Having spent the majority of my life battling with myself and my painful emotions, I have recently discovered why loving myself is crucial to my personal experiences. I took on the negativity that I had experienced throughout my life and turned it inward. Somewhere I believed that turning it inward equaled responsibility to those that I loved, but the truth is that love does not create pain. As a result, the more I harbored this pain the more miserable I became. I showed a smiling face to the world, and looked like I had it all together. In reality, I was silently struggling with how to release the abuse from my life including my self-inflicted emotional abuse from holding on to the pain. My relationships, my career, my health, my finances-everything reflected this inner battle that I had with myself. Recently, I hit what felt like “rock bottom” when in fact, I had made it to the summit of the mountain I had been climbing. In a moment of dropping to my knees, I realized that I had completely surrendered and through that surrender I had made it to my destination. This was a point of complete change when I knew in my heart there was no turning back. When I got to the peak- the summit of my emotional journey, I was finally able to let go and literally drop the baggage I had taken with me that held me down when I tried so hard to climb. I had had enough of my struggle, and finally was able to see the road ahead which gave me the strength to begin cleaning up the effects of my past and start making new choices.
Self love is not an action, it is a feeling that is generated as you heal and release the pain, fears, resentments, losses and anything else you may be harboring. When you let go of an experience, you create room for a little more love to seep in and settle into that space where hurt once nestled in. My biggest question was “How do I let this stuff go?” I tried so hard and it just would not seem to work. I realized that I had to BE ready. I had skipped the process of allowing myself to not be ready to go to the places within me that hurt, and as a result I created a bigger battle this way.
Loving yourself is the most important task and mission you could possibly have. When you love yourself, you are able to be, do and have anything you desire and fear no longer dominates your choices. Whatever is not working for you in your life is a reflection of the places within you where self-love is lacking. Our experiences as adults are directly linked to our childhood where we set up the bulk of our beliefs that later show up in our lives as beliefs that either work for us or not. As children, these beliefs worked because it helped us to make sense of our experiences. As adults; however, some of those beliefs may actually hurt us instead of help us.
Try the following exercises and questions or create some of your own that will help you to discover what has been holding you back, where you are in your journey, where you would like to go and how you can generate more self-love.
1. Explore your childhood. Create a safe space for yourself and write in a journal your feelings about your childhood. What were your experiences? What do you feel about it now? Do you remember everything or have you blocked events? How did you feel as a child? Give yourself time to do this. It does not have to be done in one sitting.
2. How is your childhood similar to your life now? Look at your relationships, your career, your health, and your personal feelings. Look at everything in your life and start making connections.
3. If you loved yourself completely, what would that look like for you? Imagine what that feels like? Describe this in detail.
4. Are there people from your past that you need to forgive? Write a list of names and next to each one complete the following sentence: “I forgive you (name) for (what they did to hurt you) and I release you completely. I love you and I love myself.
5. How have your past experiences affected you? Are you ready to let go of some of the things within yourself that have held you back?
6. Write down what you see for yourself in the next 5 years. The way you see yourself will reflect your level of commitment to loving yourself. Make this time sacred and quiet. Light a candle or play some soft music in the background. This is a time to get real and honest with yourself. The more honest you are, the more will be revealed to you naturally.
The process of self-love is a life long journey. There is no stopping point. As we explore ourselves deeply, we will learn about who we truly are and who we are not. I encourage you to search within yourself for answers and truths as often as you can, if not daily. Find ways that you can love yourself more and commit to being active in your own personal growth. Shedding the layers of the past WILL reveal to you and to the world the shining gem that you are. You are meant to feel deep joy and love and nothing less. Give yourself the gift of loving yourself.
Marilyn Rodriguez is the founder of Embrace Your Light.com and EnchantedWomen.com.
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