Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered who you really are? I am not talking about short-term memory loss or a hangover on Sunday morning.
There are times in my life when I have asked the question – Who am I really? When we’re young it never occurs to us that as time passes we can forget who we started out to be. It may seem so clear at 18 as we start out into the real world but time passes quickly and life happens. All those experiences have an impact that we did not expect.
At some point, usually mid-life, an event or just the fact we are getting older causes us to stop and reflect on where we have come from and where we’re going. The picture we get is one that we will be happy with and yet there are some parts that are a bit distorted. We may want to refine or refocus to bring more clarity to who we have become before we move on.
It is at this point that you can ask yourself three questions. The answers will help you to get the clarity you will need for the rest of your journey.
First – How do other people see me?
The answer to this lies in the opinions that people form from their interaction with us. Others view us from their particular perspective which may or may not be true. They form their opinion from observing your behaviour and the impact you have on their lives. These observations are not totally unbiased as they view you through the filter they are using – whether it be as a friend, relative, co-worker, boss, competitor or even enemy.
Getting feedback from others is the first step in understanding who you really are.
Second – How do I want others to see me?
This involves putting in the time and energy to project the kind of image you want others to have of you. If you are a fairly confident person you may not care what people think yet you may still like to have a favorable review. It may also be that you do worry about how others view you and at times try to manipulate their perspective to see you different from what your really are.
The game of pretend was fun when as children we would dress up in our favorite character and for a while be someone else. Frank Abagnale was a young man who never grew out of the ‘let’s play pretend’ stage. He played the parts of a doctor, lawyer, teacher and airline pilot in real life situations all before his 19th birthday and conned people out of over two million dollars in forged checks. He is portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio in the movie, ‘Catch me if you can’ based on the book of his adventures subtitled, ‘The True Story of a Real Fake’.
The game of pretend is not for adults as we know. This game often end in disappointment when people see you for who you really are. In Frank’s case he was allowed to spend his prison sentence for passing forged checks helping the FBI solve cases of other fakes. The rest of the story is that as of 2002 he was happily married for 26 years, had three sons, lived in the Midwest with his family, was still good friends with Carl (the FBI agent who caught him), caught some of the world’s most elusive money forgers and started a business creating unforgable checks from which he legitimately makes millions of dollars each year.
Third – How do you see yourself?
Self-awareness comes naturally to some of us. If you want accurate self-knowledge though it will take time and intentional effort. I would suggest that even the most self-aware from time to time need the occasional self-perception adjustment.
Have you ever been on the hot seat?
Do you enjoy those annual performance reviews?
Recent human resource practice includes a 360 performance review process where feedback about your performance is solicited from subordinates, peers and supervisors. It also includes a self-assessment and may include feedback from external suppliers, customers or other stakeholders. Such a process is very informative when presented in a non-judgmental manner. There is still some controversy over how and when such reviews be used but for the most part it is helpful and increases in performance have been noted.
What about considering conducting your own 360 degree review of how you see yourself? It may need some brutal honesty which is always hard on the ego and at the same time a great motivator for change.
Finally, who you really are expresses your passion, purpose, vision and heart. Perhaps the best advice that I have ever received was to just be myself. It took a few years to come to terms with my real self and a few more to become my own best friend. The one person in this world that should hear the positive words of encouragement from you is yourself.
It really is true that you cannot love others until you begin to love yourself.
Remember – The Best Is Yet To Come!
Larry Scarbeau is a Life Mastery Coach working with people from every walk of life. He is a public speaker, EzineArticles expert author and certified coach practitioner. Visit his site and see if you qualify for a Free Consultation to start creating your new future.
Article Source: Who Are You Really? Know Yourself – Be Yourself
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