by Marilyn C. Ellis…
Certain skills, once mastered, enrich our lives forever. Learning to play a musical instrument and knowing how to speak a foreign language are good examples of this principle.
There is another skill, that once mastered is truly invaluable in every aspect of life and business – the important skill of Listening.
In case you haven’t noticed, when we want to sell, convince, negotiate or win, we do most of the talking. When the ratio in talking is 80% YOU and 20% them, you’ve already lost the battle. A true dialog means exactly that: Half is you and the other half is them = 50%/50%.
So why do we do most of the talking? First of all, talking is easier than listening. It makes us think that we are in control. Besides, we might not like the answers to the questions we asked! Lopsided discussions often end in frustration, anger and failure. Here are Five Steps to Better Listening
1. Attitude Adjustment: Be willing to change the way you think. Instead of considering a conversation to be a challenge to “persuade”, consider it a mutual journey. There are signs along the way and the postings will come naturally if you let them. Pay attention to the words that are used and don’t assume you understand their definition of a term. Words can be very personal and idiocentric and cultural and not mean what you think. Ask for clarity.
2. Noise Reduction: Quiet the noise in your head. Few of us actually listen with full participation. How many times have you simply waited for the other person to just stop talking so you could speak! Stop thinking and just listen, with full attention, no voices in your head. Notice the other persons body language, voice inflection, facial expressions as well as their word choices.
3. Reflect Back: When the other person has finished speaking, your reply should first and foremost be a ‘reflection” – that’s coach talk for repeating back to them what you thought you heard them say. It can be very surprising and humbling when you find out that you didn’t get what they just said. On the other hand, when you reach mutual agreement on what was actually said, everything changes.
4. Ego Removal: Let go of having to be right. There’s a business saying – “Do you want to fill your ego or your bank account?” The result is not that you are right, but that the problem for both parties is solved to mutual satisfaction. It might not be the solution you thought would be chosen, but it will be the solution that really works.
5. Make it a Win Win: Once the other person realizes that you actually heard what they said, they will most likely relax, share and trust you. That’s when true communication begins. That’s when the real conversations take place. That’s when problems get solutions and you have a chance to make your sale, prove your point and get what you want. When its a win win situation, there is potential for a deeper, more worthwhile and profitable relationship with your communication partner.
Learning how to truly listen will be the best gift you ever give to yourself and those you love, work with and serve.
About the Author:
Marilyn Ellis is known as “America’s Organizer Coach”. As a author, speaker, Professional Organizer and Certified Life Coach, she loves helping people navigate through their busy and challenging lives. To learn more about Marilyn, visit her website at http://www.lighthouseorganizers.com or call 1-866-379-6440.
Article Source: Listening Skills 101
More From Arlene Taveroff
Related posts:
- Listening – The Foundation of Communication by Diane DiResta… Listening is the #1 communication skill for leadership, selling, customer service, and even romance! The problem is, most of us don’t listen very well. We’re not trained to listen and we don’t even realize that listening is a skill. People have lost jobs, customers, employees, and relationships because of an inability to listen. [...]...
- Tips For Listening More Effectively By Randall Spitz Listening skills are essential for us to communicate with others. It is imperative to have good listening skills to become successful in relationships. It is important in every aspect of our life, at work, at school and at home as well. Being a good communicator does not mean that you are a good listener [...]...
- How to Guarantee You Are Listening By Karen Keller, Ph.D When you speak, do others hear you? Do they ‘listen’ to you? Are you listening to them? Listening and hearing are different actions. Hearing is the physical act of the ear picking out sounds from another’s voice. It simply happens. Listening is what you consciously choose to do. Listening requires concentration [...]...
- The Importance of Listening to People By John W Robertson According to Dr Stephen R. Covey in his seminal works, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, most people ‘listen’ at one of four listening levels: Ignoring – Where we aren’t even pretending to pay attention when someone is talking to us. Pretending – This is when we want the person to [...]...
- Self-Development Skills – 3 Helpful Tips to Enhance Your Self-Development Skills By Michael Lee We are all equipped with self-development skills. The only difference is that not all of us choose to make the most of them, which is actually very unfortunate. The moment you start thinking that you’re the best is the moment when somebody else steals the crown from you. Why? Because that person continually updates [...]...
Art of listening
While student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, I became friends with Carl Rogers, who was respected as one of the leading psychotherapists of his time. He taught me much about the art of listening.
Dr. Rogers said that when we listen, and people know we are listening, it shows we truly care about them. In turn, they will respond by caring about you. It opens communication and also opens hearts. When we accept them as a person, unconditionally, they will be more kind to you.
We should listen without preconceptions, without anticipation and without judgement if we want others to portray what they truly feel. We listen with all our senses, not just to the words which are said. Some people cannot fully express themselves while speaking, so we must try to see them as they see themselves. We should watch for non-verbal clues as to what they really mean: facial expressions, body movements, etc.
While we should show positive regard for the other person, we should also demonstrate our own positive self-regard. We do not react to their negative comments, verbally or physically, even when we disagree with them. When they do ask for our opinion, however, we should respond with our true thoughts and in specifics rather than generalities. We offer our own perspective as other options rather than as contradictions.
Listening might seem quite passive as opposed to speaking. It is actually very active. To paraphrase Bobby Kennedy, “I learn while listening. When I talk I don’t learn too much.” If you think talking helps to spread your own wisdom, you are not really wise.
I’m impressed! It’s nice to see someone very passionate about what they do. Trust all your future posts turn out as well. Thanks!