By Carole Smith
For many the answer might be a swift ‘No, it’s not.’ And I can understand that immediate reply if like me you’re frequently checking to see what level your funds are at, and wondering if there is some magical way of making them stretch further than you know is conceivably possible. Even more so if you are someone who, up to now, has viewed being unemployed as such a complete unknown that it represents for you both fear and shame. Fear the lifestyle you became used to will change and shame that others might judge your joblessness unfairly or cruelly. For others again they will be trying to cope with a feeling of having lost a sense of self because over time they have come to see themselves as defined by their job. Losing a job for them has even bigger implications.
And yet while I can empathise with all of the above, I still think it is possible to be happy while unemployed. I certainly won’t deny money is an absolute necessity and essential in supporting our most basic needs i.e. that of eating, having a roof over our heads, and some level of security. However, according to the humanistic psychologist, Abraham Maslow, once our basic needs are satisfied, humans will then look to others for love, affection and a sense of belonging. And neither a job or money can buy those.
However, if being happy while unemployed is too difficult a concept to come to terms with, perhaps the following might help to become a little happier.
The Practicalities
Fear has a way of paralyzing us, stunting our ability to think straight and make any decision with clarity. So, the first thing you need to do is accept what has happened. You do not have employment. This is your reality – for now. So, forget about feeling any kind of shame, there are many others just like you in the exact same position, so get up, get out, and find out about all the benefits and support that you can avail of. These are the things you must have in place in order to protect you and your family’s basic needs. Getting this in place will help by reducing your stress levels and in turn allow you focus on other things.
Reconnect with Family & Friends
If you have a family, use this time to reconnect with your partner and kids. I don’t have kids but I feel over the last while I have begun to know my nieces and nephews better than ever before. I always felt a little guilty believing they saw me as the aunt who turned up, flustered, and rushed, who always seemed to be travelling and to boot had no idea what was going on in their lives. Also, while my siblings are dealing with their own challenges around family unemployment, we’ve managed to spend time together talking about our concerns for the future but equally we’ve laughed a lot too.
When it comes to friends, generally we choose people we know will accept us – regardless of whether it’s a BMW or a Fiesta sitting outside the door. Spend as much time as you can with your friends, confide in them, trust them with your thoughts. If previously you connected over dinner parties but haven’t recently because it’s just too extravagant then why not follow the lead of my friends. We each bring a dish and a bottle of wine so no one person is left with the cost of hosting plus best of all there is less stress all round for the host with the number of chefs buzzing around in the kitchen.
Over recent times, with my finances on the floor it’s been amazing how between family and friends I’ve been to some marvellous get-togethers. All of this helps by keeping you connected with others plus it’s helps boost both morale and self-esteem.
One golden rule here: Aim to surround yourself as much as possible with as many positive people as you can.
A Time for New Growth & Development
One of the biggest contributors to unemployment depression is having the lack of routine a job provided. Most unemployed people say they dread facing another day with seemingly nothing to do. So plan your days just as if you were working. Allocate different activities to each day or part thereof. Do the things you never had the opportunity to do when working. If it’s gardening, painting the house, going to an afternoon movie with the kids – do it. But also use this time to explore whether that dream job is a viable option for you. Start doing the research. Use the library if you don’t have access to the internet, find someone who is already doing that job, and talk to them. Look for a mentor. If the job you did have is the right one for you…get better at it. Look for training courses that will keep your skills current and up to date. If there’s a cost attached…find out if you can get support to cover it. Have you got a creative side? Well, now is the time to try it out. You might also think about helping others that could well be worse off than you. Ask in your local community about volunteering. The very act of helping others can be hugely rewarding plus it can be a reminder of just how much we have ourselves.
All in all, it’s easy to fill your days, once you put a little bit of planning into it.
Networking
Being out of work is the very time that you need to connect with others in your professional network. You might not feel like doing it but it works. It doesn’t have to be the long lunches of the past; meeting over coffee is very acceptable. People know people and very often jobs come via referral. To use an Americanism, you need to get as much ‘Face Time’ as you can with others, that way you won’t be forgotten. So put on your best suit, your widest smile and work it!
A little Dose of Gratitude
Finally, I’ve often noticed others look at me quizzically when I say “But I’m lucky.” My doctor even said recently, “it’s ok not to be happy Carole.” But the fact is I am happy. I have family, friends, and professional colleagues that have supported and rallied round me when I needed it and I am grateful for that. I’ve had time to retrain, refocus, and discover aspects of me I didn’t have time to explore when working as I was when at full throttle. I’ve also become closer to my family. I feel I know them better now and that means a lot to me. So for me at least this time has given me a chance to recognise what’s important in my life.
So, when the economy picks up again, and it will, and I’m working flat out I know I will look back on this time with a sense of gratitude for giving me an opportunity to see that life is much more than merely a job. Mind you….. I am looking for one!
In the meantime, I wish you luck and good fortune in seeking employment but remember happiness is a state of mind.
Carole Smith is a relationship counselling, Life Coach and NLP practitioner. http://www.typedynamics.ie/
Article Source: Is it Possible to Be Happy and Unemployed?
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Hi Carole.
I really enjoyed your post. Especially the part you talked about how fear paralyzes us.
There are so many people that are going through this. We’ve been interviewing people for the last year that are out of work from all over the country.
You can take a look at http://www.overfiftyandoutofwork.com
Hi Carole.
I’ve got to admit, I’m happy when unemployed. It’s working that I’m not so keen on. It seems like a heinous waste of time.
I’m not lazy; I’d just rather be doing something else.
Anything else.
God Bless.
You might be interested in this: http://not-too-likely.blogspot.com/2010/12/importance-of-being-idle.html
Hi Nikolia
I just saw my article on the Wisdom a La Carte blog today hence why I never replied before now but I do want say ‘thank you’ for your kind words. I used to work for a U.S. company although based in Ireland so still have colleagues and friends in the States and I’m aware of how difficult things are.
I wrote the article because I was acutely and personally aware of how a change in one’s employment status can have a huge impact on both self-esteem and self-belief. I wanted to remind myself it doesn’t have to be that way. I guess I hoped by writing about it and sharing it with others it might help if only in the smallest way. Oh and by the way I hit 50 a few months ago so again aware of how a number can also be detrimental with potential employers.
I had a look at your site and loved the stories, and what you’re doing. Good luck with it and again thank you.
With regards
Carole Smith