If your thoughts are a rose,
You are a Rose Garden;
If your thoughts are a thorn,
You are fuel for the fire.
Rumi
Some of us are our own worst enemies. I mean, have you listened as you talk to yourself? Would you talk like that to a friend? Probably not, your friendship would definitely suffer. But we endlessly criticize ourselves in a not nice way. In truth we learned to talk to ourselves this way. Think about it, as you were growing up what did you hear more: what you couldn’t, shouldn’t do, weren’t able to do; or did you hear positive references to what you could or should do?
Well, most of us heard the negative version, with the best of intentions. Hey, it was for our own good. Being a toddler has to be a very frustrating time. You get told “No!” consistently along with “Don’t” as in “don’t touch, don’t do that, don’t go there” in order to protect and guide you. By the time we turned 18, we were told “No!” probably more than 100, 000 times! We also heard “Yes!” but a lot less.
Unfortunately, this has programmed us with a very powerful Inner Critic who runs on automatic pilot telling us all the things we are doing wrong and filling us with negative beliefs.
What can we do about it?
1. Pay attention to your self-talk. What is it that you are repeating internally? Start by stopping the voice and asking: “Is that true? How do I know it’s true?”
2. Think of favourite upbeat music, anything you enjoy and like and uplifts you. As you listen to your inner critic, add this music as a background. Hear the music nice and loud as a background over the critical voice. Does it make a difference?
3. Try moving the voice farther away from your head. You can do this with any voice, regardless of what it says. If it “doesn’t want to go” you can “allow the voice to move off, drift away”.
4. The brain learns really fast and this change can be permanent. If it isn’t keep testing to find out what works best for you, this can be very empowering.
5. Usually the voice has a protective function, so consider thanking it for whatever it does for you and ask if it can speak to you in a nicer way.
6. The voice is like a person, it’s talking to you. You can ask it: “What’s your positive intent?” and pay attention to what it says, then tell it “I would listen better if you speak in a soft positive manner. And thank you for trying to keep me safe.”
7. Usually the voice is telling us what not to do. We can tell the voice: since you’re so smart, tell me what I could do.
8. You can record yourself saying positive things to yourself and listen to it while you’re driving, in the shower, as “background noise.” You don’t need any fancy equipment; you can use your cell phone if it can record videos. Some, like Blackberry’s and iPhones, have a recording function. Be creative!
9. Saying “I don’t ever want to feel rejected again” won’t work because people will reject you, and because it’s still in a negative form. Saying “I can feel ok about myself when someone rejects me” might be more useful.
You can use EFT and tap as you use these tips to speed up the process. EFT and “tapping” stand for Emotional Freedom Techniques, download my free booklet “Tap Into Your Power with EFT!” to learn more about it.
Patzia Gonzalez-Baz, B. Sc. Clinical Member, OSP; D-CEP; EFT-Cert 1; has a Psychotherapy practice in Newmarket, ON and facilitates EFT and TAT sessions in person and on teleconferences.
Patzia specializes in empowering individuals by helping them release their blocks and inhibitions, followed by facilitating positive belief patterns, that allows the individual to step into their own power and bring back their sense of aliveness. Patzia also integrates spiritual awareness and healing, along with many other approaches in her practice, matching the therapy to the individual needs of the client. For more information visit Patzia’s website at: http://www.HealingHeartsCentre.com or send an email to: patziagb@hotmail.com
Article Source: Increase Your Self-Esteem – 9 Tips to Tame Your Inner Critic
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