By Tonya Williams…

allowtheday_articleI spent my entire day with my husband at a wellness and prevention clinic in Charleston, SC yesterday.

Having worked in mainstream health care for many years, I must admit that I was completely taken back when the doctor asked my husband, “Do you have any difficulty in just being?”

Now, as a nurse, I’ve heard doctors ask many questions, but this was a new one for me.

Of course, my husband being the most analytical and left brained person I know looked utterly confused with the question. ”What do you mean,” he asked.

“Are you able to just be, or do you always feel the need to do,” she asked.

I must admit that I chuckled at this moment, because my husband is the doer of all doers.

He fidgets, moves, tosses, paces, runs, swims, rakes, walks, drives. Basically, he does everything he possibly can to avoid just being.

When the doctor suggested that he start a meditation practice with just five minutes a day, he quickly avoided the recommendation and wanted to see his lab results.

Again, she made him stop.

“Why are you avoiding this topic,” she asked him.

Then, out of nowhere, my husband admitted that he didn’t know how to just be. It seemed too hard. Too woo-woo. Too out of reach. Too simple.

Fascinating, isn’t it?

It’s fascinating how we find it difficult to quiet our minds and just be silent with ourselves. It’s fascinating how we rather eat, drown out our own thoughts with the TV, play on the computer, call up a friend, or like my husband, just do something to avoid being.

It’s not just my husband. I believe the majority of people are doers, including me. I love doing, creating, and moving. However, it’s SO important that we are not defined by what we do but who we are.

At dinner last night, my husband asked, “Well, if we are not what we do, then who are we?”

That’s a great question, and here’s what I think. I believe we are the essence of a child: innocent, fun loving, joyful, compassionate, content, peaceful, curious, and happy.

Here are some practical tips on learning to just be:

1 – Spend a few moments a day in silence.

The word meditation freaks some people out, because, again, they think it is something that they must learn to do. Instead of trying to meditate, just sit in complete silence. Start out with just 5 minutes a day. Notice the thoughts that float in and out of your mind. Try not to attach to any of them. Just notice. (And yes, this is meditation)

2- Eliminate the noise

Have you ever been in a room with two or more TV’s and radios playing? It’s chaotic and tense. Our lives are a lot like the noisy rooms. We have so much chatter playing that we cannot hear anything. The best way to eliminate the noise is to slow down long enough to define what’s playing and how to turn down the volume. The only way to achieve a quieter room is to learn to disidentify with the craziness of your mind.

3 – Choose Richness over Busyness

Busyness leads to a scattered life. We fill our time with lots of to-do’s without being really clear about our intention, but unless it is aligned with your being, you may end up feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

How many times do you find yourself saying, “I’m busy.” Lord knows, I’ve done it. However, next time you are caught up in the busyness of your life, ask yourself how it is serving you. Is it something that you really want to be doing or is it another obligation that you’ve added to your plate?

Instead of trying to always be busy, try focusing on engaging in the priorities of your life. This creates a wonderful richness of attention and focus on the things that mean the most to you.

4 – Get out in Nature

I was recently asked a client how much time she spent outside. “If I’m lucky, maybe ten minutes a day,” she replied. Wow…we are animals that are meant to soak up the sunshine, breath fresh air and experience the patterns and cycles of the beautiful outdoors.

One of the best ways to learn to be is to sit in nature. Notice the blades of grass, the grasshoppers or the huge oak trees. Like the curious child, begin to look at the world with fascination, instead of cooping yourself up in a cubicle or your home. Even if it’s at a lunch break or immediately after work, try to get outside for some good ole’ fresh air.

5 – Follow your Breath

Okay, I must admit that the first time I was introduced to conscious breathing, I thought it was a bunch of crap. “I don’t need to listen or follow my breath. It does just fine without me,” I thought. However, I have come to realize that there is NO better tool in the universe than learning to focus on your breath.

When my daughter gets sassy, I breath.
When my husband says something hurtful, I breath.
When I am feeling overwhelmed, I breath.
When I am afraid, I breath.
When I am grateful, I breath.
When I don’t know what to do, I breath.

When I say “I breath,” what I mean is that I consciously stop and notice the air moving in and out of my body. It immediately brings me to the moment and releases tension. It’s powerful and highly, highly effective.

Learning to “just be” is simply letting go of all that you think you are and do, and learning to fully engage in the moment. I guarantee you that you will not miss out on anything. If anything, you will add a quality to your life that doing could never offer you.

So, here’s a few more tips on just being:

-When you do your work in the world, practice just showing up and engaging in the moment.
-Try to detach from trying to force results.
-Let things organically evolve.
-Have fun.
-Be curious.
-Create joy.
-Live with compassion for yourself and others.
-Find the peace that is available to you.
-And be happy.

Just Be.

So, are you a human being or a human doing? Oh, and did I mention that when you learn to just be, you end up accomplishing so much more? Life is strange that way!

About the Author:
Tonya Leigh Williams is a coach, speaker, and writer. She is also the founder of Just B Living, a company dedicated to empowering women to create amazing lives and bodies without dieting, deprivation and drama.

Her passion is helping women find freedom from body image, weight, and food issues. She teaches the secrets of naturally slender people, coaches women on normal eating without deprivation, and shows women how to simultaneously transform their bodies while also living at peace within them. She has helped women lose weight, gain clarity and purpose, and step into a new life free of struggle.

If you are interested in learning more about coaching with Tonya, please email tonya@justbliving.com.

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