by Mabel Katz
Sometimes we are separated from a loved one by death. At other times, we distance ourselves or somebody we are with decides to distance himself or herself from us.
Why do we become so attached and dependent and feel we cannot live without the people we love? Why do we lose our concentration and self-trust or are unable to function properly when we lose a loved one? Perhaps because we feel we are nothing without them.
Unfortunately there are things we forget . . .
We forget that we are more than our bodies, and when the people we love pass away, they really end up being closer to us than they were when they were in their bodies.
We forget that we are never alone and the Universe (God) is always at our side, waiting for us to allow Him to take away our sorrows and solve our problems.
We forget that nobody on the outside can make us happy. If we choose to be with somebody, it must be because we want to, not because we need to. Everything we need is inside ourselves.
But we feel this sensation is stronger than us, that we can’t avoid it, and that’s what happens when our memories play or become activated. It’s very difficult to accept that we are 100 percent responsible, and that something inside us creates and attracts people, circumstances and problems to our lives. However, when we do accept this, we understand that, since we have created and attracted those things, we are the only ones who can change them.
In this case it is also important to know that we are not victims, and that maybe we cannot avoid feeling pain due to our loss, but suffering is optional. We choose to suffer.
We need to know that people appear in (and leave from) our lives to give us an opportunity. They are a gift, a blessing. They help us recognize the things we need to change and work on in ourselves. If we decide to accept 100 percent of the responsibility and abstain from reacting or blaming, we can really find ourselves and discover how truly powerful we are. Then we realize we can change our lives without depending on anything or anybody outside of ourselves.
Only our thoughts of our loved ones leave us, not the actual people. Yes, I know. It is easier said than done, but I’m going to give you some tools you can try to see if they help you bring more peace to your life. For example, when we are very anxious, we can mentally repeat “Thank you,” or “I love you.”
Thanking and loving the thoughts that make us feel lonely, needy or dependent are ways of letting them go and allowing them to pass more quickly. What we resist persists. The key is that we are not trying to change circumstances or people but rather to find peace and tranquility within ourselves, not matter what is going on around us.
About the Author:
You can find more information about Ho’oponopono cleaning tools and how to use them at my blog, http://www.askmabelkatz.com. And while you’re there, be sure to sign up for my newsletter. You’ll get the “money” chapter from my book, “The Easiest Way,” too.
Mabel Katz, spreading the word about Self-identity through Ho’oponopono http://www.mabelkatz.com
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I wrote this 8 years ago, after our first born and only son passed on to the light…
http://musingsplus.blogspot.com/2008/09/loved-one.html
Thanks for tweeting this to me. Oddly enough I was feeling sadness yesterday. My brother passed away last July and my daughter and I opened the gifts that he had bought for me right before he died and never had the chance to give to me. They were beautiful Garden Statute, a little boy and a little girl playing ball. Again, thanks for the unexpected tweet and this link.
Thank you so much for your comment, Hazel. It never ceases to amaze me how the Universe always gives us the right thing at the right time. Our blog is all about inspiring people, and sharing wisdom. Come back and visit often! And check out our free ecards.
With all due respect…is suffering REALLY optional? I lost my wife 2+ weeks ago…miss her SO much…and I’m sitting here suffering. Not always…but realizing that to deny (the suffering) means to shut myself off from a very real part of my existence. It’s real…it’s happening…I’m sad and suffering. I will get through…because I will…and want to. I get mad at self-helpers who make it seem like sadness is somehow not natural or OK.
Please understand…I’m not trying to be contrary for the sake of questioning authority. Really…I’m not trying to be a jerk here. Actually maybe I AM choosing to suffer now that I think about it. But is that wrong? (Staying here…in the suffering spot…yes…I believe that would be a shame…) It’s late…I’m tired (from all this suffering) and would really like to hear what you have to say about my rant.
Thanks, though. Strange how this popped up on my FB tonight. (I know…I know…not strange. Nothing happens by accident. But I still find it strange….)
Best,
AK
Thank you for this. It is thought provoking and helpful. I agree with you in a lot of respects but we are raised to be such physical beings that what we do truly miss them physically when they are gone..
Thoughts and memories of loved ones is really all we can ever hold onto when not in their physical presence, but coming to terms with the fact that those will cease to create from their standpoint once they move on seems to be the real element we ultimately miss.
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