Conscious Relationships!

by Angelique Shofar…

There is an intense wave of” longing for love” sweeping the shores of our modern hearts. Like the sound of an imminent bee, the buzz I keep hearing from women and men is getting louder. The essence of relating is shifting and the need to love and be loved is escalating. People are seeking new creative ways of relating through partnerships, merges and acquisitions. Folks are tired of doing it alone and learning that relationships should bring sweetness and not sufferance.

The dating game abounds us. Ads saturate the classified section of the papers; TV screens flood with love connection hotlines; the internet streams with websites that promise a fruitful search for that dream person.

Meanwhile, a man living with his dog longs for the sweet nectar of a female human companion; and a sister is struggling with a 9-5 job, raising two small children even as her aching shoulders long for the soothing and firm touch of a man. Though they may both be caught up in the superficial aspect of relating as society and associates have defined, the truth is they both long for a taste of the divine spirit.

The Sufi poet Rumi interlaces our desire for human love with our thirst for the divine. Our longing for connection with another is natural to the human experience. As members of the human tribe our health, joy, sanity and happiness are complexly interconnected with others, with spirit, and with the longing for and needing to awaken our own hearts, to know love on a level that’s deeply intimate, vulnerable, revealing, risky and necessary.

On the flip side our longing and sometimes obsession becomes an attachment that causes pain and suffering. No thanks to popular music filled with proverbial themes of desperation. “I can’t live without you”; “You’re my everything!” Most of us who have lost a lover know the deep aching inside as we face our emptiness. We can become so consumed by the relationship, swallowed by someone else’s existence, giving our lover the power to give and take away our happiness. The result is suffering from the emptiness of forgetting that spirit is within us and around us. No one can make us happy. If you accept that the longing for a lover is your desire to break through your rigid ego and be free, than the experience of love can become real.

The ego loves to take the path of least resistance to avoid hurt, fear, neediness, weakness. The initial stage of getting to know someone can be filled with ego battles. Truth is, you need to be open to all that comes your way – the dark along with the moments of joy, happiness, and bliss. Experience it all with awake-fullness! Feel the roar, the purr, the bark, the bite and the breath of spirit swirling through you, sensuous and full of life.

Ego will find every excuse to hold on to the old. Love comes our way and suddenly the ego throws up a fence. Awa and Dugan’s relationship never had a chance. Stuck in the right and wrong mode, they could not take off because their ego battles made listening to each other difficult. They were too busy trying to protect their ego. The ego fears surrender and avoids change. Some have been without a partner for so long that they’ve conned themselves into believing its best.

Relationships involve more than effort. Relationships take practice. Practice relating, practice loving; practice putting love in action. We don’t see relating as needing to be exercised or practiced to become better. We often theorize it. Truth is we lack skills required, the effort and even creativity to love.

Yes, I know – the mind wants to put labels of good and bad, but they are neither – they simply reflect aspects of our humanness. I guess that’s why I’ve resonated with Eastern traditions of no judgment with heaven and hell being momentary states of consciousness – moments we all live through over and over in a life time. When you get upset it’s not a bad thing, it’s a message thing. A call or sometimes a scream from within saying, “Can you hear me now? I’m here, stop hiding from me. I need your attention.”

When we stop searching for fascination outside ourselves, when we stop seeking God outside and turn with curiosity into our inner world, there you find peace and arrive at a place inside of yourself that accepts yourself and another.

Imagine your lover looking tenderly into your eyes, knowing your deepest secrets, having seen you in your worst mood and appearance, as well as in your sweetest, generous, sometimes most selfish modes….. and still truly loving you. Imagine being able to do the same. This is the budding of a conscious relationship.

About the Author:
Angelique Shofar is a sex, relationship & sensual lifestyle coach, yoga teacher & freelance writer. She writes and facilitates yoga retreats & workshops around holistic sexuality and empowerment. Email your comments and questions to: thesexualgriot@gmail.com Visit her online at: http://thesexualgriot.typepad.com/

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