By Judith Orloff

To be emotionally free you can’t remain naïve about relationships. Some people are positive and mood elevating. Others can suck optimism and serenity right out of you. Vampires do more than drain your physical energy. The super-malignant ones can make you believe you’re an unworthy, unlovable wretch who doesn’t deserve better. The subtler species inflict damage by making smaller digs which can make you feel bad about yourself-for instance, “Dear, I see you’ve put on a few pounds”  or “You’re overly sensitive!”

Suddenly they’ve thrown you emotionally off-center by prodding your areas of shaky self-worth. To protect your sensitivity, it’s important to name and combat these vampires. The concept struck such a collective chord in my second book that in my latest one I illustrate how it applies to protecting your emotions and not absorbing other people’s negativity. In it I discuss these vampires to watch for and ways to deal with them.

Signs that You’ve Encountered an Emotional Vampire Read More→

By Judith Orloff

We’ve all got a smidgen of vampire in us, especially when we’re stressed. So, cut yourself a break. It’s admirable to admit, “I think I’m emotionally draining people. What can I do?” Can’t be free without such honesty. Then you can change. These are some common indications that you’re becoming a drainer.

People avoid you or glaze over during a conversation
  You’re self-obsessed
  You’re often negative
  You gossip or bad-mouth people
  You’re critical, controlling
  You’re in an emotional black hole, but won’t get help–this strains relationships and won’t free you

The solution is always to own up to where you’re emotionally stuck and change the related behavior. For instance, one patient in computer graphics kept hammering his wife with a poor-me attitude about how he always got stuck with boring projects at work. Instead of trying to improve the situation, he just kvetched. She started dreading those conversations, diplomatically mentioned it to him. This motivated my patient to address the issue with his supervisor, which got him more stimulating assignments. Similarly, whenever I slip into vampire mode, I try to examine and alter my behavior or else discuss the particulars with a friend or a therapist so I can change. Don’t hesitate to seek assistance when you’re stumped. Also, review the types of emotional vampires listed below to make sure you’re not one of them or that you don’t have one in your life. Read More→