By Judith Orloff

We’ve all got a smidgen of vampire in us, especially when we’re stressed. So, cut yourself a break. It’s admirable to admit, “I think I’m emotionally draining people. What can I do?” Can’t be free without such honesty. Then you can change. These are some common indications that you’re becoming a drainer.

People avoid you or glaze over during a conversation
  You’re self-obsessed
  You’re often negative
  You gossip or bad-mouth people
  You’re critical, controlling
  You’re in an emotional black hole, but won’t get help–this strains relationships and won’t free you

The solution is always to own up to where you’re emotionally stuck and change the related behavior. For instance, one patient in computer graphics kept hammering his wife with a poor-me attitude about how he always got stuck with boring projects at work. Instead of trying to improve the situation, he just kvetched. She started dreading those conversations, diplomatically mentioned it to him. This motivated my patient to address the issue with his supervisor, which got him more stimulating assignments. Similarly, whenever I slip into vampire mode, I try to examine and alter my behavior or else discuss the particulars with a friend or a therapist so I can change. Don’t hesitate to seek assistance when you’re stumped. Also, review the types of emotional vampires listed below to make sure you’re not one of them or that you don’t have one in your life.

Are You One of These Emotional Vampires?

Vampire #1: The Sob Sister

Every time you talk to her she’s whining. She adores a captive audience. She’s the coworker with the “poor me” attitude who’s more interested in complaining than solutions.
 
Vampire #2: The Drama Queen

This vampire has a flair for exaggerating small incidents into off-the-chart dramas. My patient Sarah was exhausted when she hired a new employee who was always late for work. One week he had the flu and “almost died.” Next, his car was towed, again! After this employee left her office Sarah felt tired and used.

Vampire #3: The Constant Talker or Joke Teller

He has no interest in your feelings; he’s only concerned with himself. Initially, he might seem entertaining, but when the talking doesn’t stop, you begin to get tired. You wait for an opening to get a word in edgewise but it never comes. Or he might physically move in so close he’s practically breathing on you. You edge backwards, but without missing a beat, he steps closer again. “One patient said about such a coworker, ‘Whenever I spot this man my colon goes into spasm.”

Vampire #4: The Fixer Upper

This vampire is desperate for you to fix her endless problems-at all hours. She turns you into her therapist. At lunch, she’ll make a b-line to your desk, monopolizing your free time. Her neediness lures you in.

Vampire #5: The Blamer

This vampire has a sneaky way of making you feel guilty or lacking for not getting things just right. Whenever my patient Marie, a book editor, sees her boss she’s on guard; her boss had a way of cutting her down that saps her energy. She always has a negative comment to make.

Vampire #6: Go For The Jugular Fiend

This type is vindictive and cuts you down with no consideration for your feelings. He says things like, “Forget that job. It’s out of your league.” These jabs can be so hurtful it’s hard to get them out of your head.

Judith Orloff MD is author of the new book Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life (Random House, 2009). Her other bestsellers are Positive Energy, Intuitive Healing, and Second Sight. Dr. Orloff synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition and energy medicine. She is featured regularly in print, broadcast and online media. Her unique and sought-after guidelines on how to recapture, nurture and affirm our energy, emotional wellness, and intuitive abilities have helped people worldwide to heal themselves. Dr. Orloff’s work has been featured in O Magazine, Self, Cosmo, Reader’s Digest, The Washington Times, and the New York Post. She has appeared on The Today Show, CBS Early Show, CNN, PBS, and NPR. Dr. Orloff’s work is featured on Beliefnet.com, iVillage, and she is a columnist for Feminist.com, Healthy.net, and Happynews.com. Dr. Orloff is a blogger for Psychology Today. For more information go to http://www.judithorloff.com

Article Source:  Am I an Emotional Vampire? How Do I Know?


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