Fear of… heights, darkness, water, a certain kind of animals; public speaking; change; unknown; uncertainty; taking risks; rejection; not good enough; looking bad; failure; losing your loved one? You might want to add on to the list above. Good news is this! You are not alone. I have met many people who have some of those fears and they learned to overcome them.
From my personal experience, I have faced all the fears mentioned above. One of my biggest fears is losing my loved one. I had to deal with it 10 years ago when I lost my previous husband who died of lung cancer. He left me with two small children; 8 months old and 2 years old at that time. I had all sorts of fears. My children and I lived on food stamps in New Mexico. I had no job, no money, and no family to support me. (They all were in Thailand.) I did not know how I could survive in the U.S. I was living with fears for quite sometime. Fortunately, I had some great support from amazing people to help me for what I needed. I am very grateful for those wonderful people who came into my life at that time. Although I had great support, I was still living with fears. Finally, I got to the point where I did not want to live that way anymore.
We all have fears. As long as we live on this earth, we all have to face our own fears. It depends on what kind of fear that we are meant to face and how we deal with them. I would love to share with you about how to overcome fears.
Here are some tips.
1. Acknowledge the fear, feel it, and shift your attention
When fear is presented to you, there is a significant meaning in the fear itself. It is your gift to learn more about yourself that there is nothing that you can’t handle. Otherwise, it would not have been given to you since the first place. When you feel the fears, I invite you to ask yourself the following questions.
*What are you afraid of? *Why? *What is the worse case that could happen? *What is the hidden gift behind this event? *What is your focus? *What do you really want? *What is the most important thing for you right now? *Who are you being? *Which choice would you want to choose; love or fear? *What would you do for love?
By acknowledging the fear and feeling it, it helps you recognize that there is something that you really need to work on. Fears come to you because you need the experience to learn more about yourself. You will learn that you can handle anything that comes your way. You will know how to handle them better each time. When fear appears, acknowledge it, feel it, and shift your attention to love and service.
2. Focus on Love and Service
Focus is a great key to bring forth the energy and love to where you want it to be. For example, when I lost my previous husband, I shifted all of my attention on my children instead of feeling sorry for myself. The children were my inspiration. I put all my love and attention on my children. Fear disappeared when I did not think about it. It is all about focus and attention. When I focus on what is more important to do, I can put my energy and love on what I want to focus on. Instead of focusing on the husband who already passed, or feeling sorry for myself, I put my love, care, energy, and attention on my two small children who needed me. I needed to move on not just with my life, but my childrens lives. Focusing on the past brings sadness, regret, guilt, shame, anger, resentment, and fear. Focusing on the goal and the present brings strength, motivation, determination, peace, enthusiasm, trust, acceptance, forgiveness and love. Focusing on love and service brings a sense of life purpose and it chases fears away. When love appears, fear is vanished.
3. Trust, Believe, and Act As If
Trust in yourself that you can handle anything that comes your way. When you have more trust in yourself, there is nothing to hold you back from doing anything that you want to do. If you have a negative voice that says to you ” You are not good enough” or “You can’t handle it.”, please acknowledge that voice and talk to it by questioning your own thoughts and use the questions in #1. You can also say to that voice in a loving way with a positive talk “Thank you for saying so. I do believe and trust in myself and I want to move forward. Thank you for giving me strength.”
Believe in yourself. Believe in your own highest potential despite of what people say about you or what your negative voice says to you. You can choose to believe when and what you want to. Let’s say that you are fear of dating, initiating contacts, or intimacy, you can ask yourself all the questions that I share with you on # 1 Acknowledging Fear, feel it, shift your attention, and focus on Love and Service. Then, make your decision and choose to believe in your own power. Say it many times out loud to yourself “I believe in me.”
Act as if
Have you seen successful people who are very confident in themselves? What if you could act like that by acting as if you were a successful, powerful and confident being? Act as if you are 100% confident in yourself and knowing that you can succeed in anything that you do.
A few years ago, someone asked me to give a talk and share my story in public. First, I said “no” to the person. I got away with it. I did not want to do it because I had fear of looking bad, fear of not good enough, and fear of making mistakes about my English grammar, etc. (FYI: I am Thai. I am not a native speaker.) A few months later, she asked me again to give a talk. This time I asked myself “What is this all about? Why does she keep asking me?” The truth was that it was a gift for me to break through this fear. That was why it was presented to me. Finally, I saw that opportunity as a gift, accepted it, and acted as if I was fully confident in myself to give a talk. I focused on Love and Service and acted as if I was a professional speaker. I acted as if I was a native speaker. As a result, I did fine. I would not want to say that I liked it, but I did it. I walked through it, took action, and I saw the gift.
4. See a hidden gift
When fears are presented to you, look for a gift. What is in it for you? Let’s say… you have fears of rejection. You are afraid to initiate contacts because you were hurt from the past and you don’t want to get hurt again. Ask yourself “What is in it for me?” Or “What is my gift here?” You might find a gift that helps you to learn how to open heart and accept more love into your life despite of what happened to you in the past. You might be seeing a gift of confidence. That fear of rejection is giving you a gift to bring more confidence in yourself. A great way to see a gift is by looking at life in perspective and be positive. Look for your hidden gift and you will find it.
5. Be in the now
Often we live in the past and in the future. We are not in the now. Have you experienced hurt in the past? Has someone hurt your feelings, broken your heart and trust? Have you found yourself still living in the past thinking about such and such person who hurt you when that event happened a few years or many years ago? In your thoughts you are still hurting even though that event is over. Why don’t you want to let go of the past? Why are you keeping it in your thoughts? How does living in the past serve you? It does not. Have you ever been worried or feared of what is going to happen in the future? Why do you worry about the future that has not arrived yet?
We all are given a new day everyday. There is only this moment. It is the now. Be here now. A great way to be in the now is doing meditation, controlling your breathing, and focus on your positive self talk. Put your attention on where you are right now. If you are feeling the fear of something, be here now. Feel the fear, ask yourself the above questions from #1. Next, fill your heart with love.
6. Fill Your Heart With Love
A wonderful way to fill your heart with love is by thinking of when you experience great love. Think of someone you love so greatly that you are willing to risk anything for the other person whether that person is your lover, spouse, children, parents, friends, your pets or your job. Think of something that makes you feel so joyful, happy, and in love. Listen to your favorite music or sing your favorite song. Another way to fill your heart with love is by choosing it to be. Just be love. When your heart is filled with love, there is nothing to hold you back. You will be willing to take risks and do anything just for love.
7. Face Your Fear
Now your heart is filled with great love, fear is starting to quiet down. If you still feel the fear, the only way to overcome your fear is to face it and walk through it. Just do it. Once you take actions, you will experience your own power and learn that you have an ability to handle anything that comes your way. You will face fears with confidence, believe and trust in yourself that you could handle it. Above of all, you will learn about the Power of Love which is the highest power in this whole universe! And you are that LOVE.
Fear is a great opportunity for growth in each area of your life; lifestyle, self-esteem, personal organization, health and fitness, relationships, money and finances, job and career, personal growth, quality of life, and spirituality. Fear will keep appearing in your life until you leave this earth. Life requires growth. When you pass one test, there will be another test to challenge you. There is always a next step to unfold. If you look at fear as your great vitamin for life, you will learn to appreciate fear. It gives you strength. When fear appears, embrace it with love and humility. You will never fail when you do anything with love. When your heart is filled with love, there is nothing to hold you back from moving forward to where you want to go. The more you experience fear, the more you learn about how to love, trust, and believe in yourself. Believe in your own ability. Believe in your own given power. Believe that you can succeed in anything that you want to do. You are unlimited and you are capable of handling anything that life gives you. Take your time to unfold. Go at your own pace. You can do it! Feel the love, face the fear, and find freedom!
With Love and Gratitude,
Article Source: 7 Tips to Overcome Fear