by Helen Flynn…
There is a scientific basis for feeling more depressed from November to March. We get less sunlight; we tend to be less active, and often may catch more colds and even the flu. How can we fight the blues if a trip to the Caribbean is not in the budget?
1. Be grateful. I remember years ago waking up to my clock radio playing the news. I used to think as I faced some difficult days “Gorbachev is facing a worse day than I am.” (Later I learned to program my wake-up to classical music – a much more positive way to start the day.) It is so easy to wake up and think about all the problems of the day ahead. It often takes a conscious effort to be grateful. Start with the fact of waking up, then being in a warm bed, in a home, being able to see, hear, feel, move, etc. Keep going as long as you can. If the problems of the day keep intruding on your thoughts, consciously be grateful for them. Be grateful for the difficult boss or client; at least you have a job. Be grateful for the commute; at least you have a means of transportation. Be grateful for the aches and pains; they are better than the alternative. It takes some practice, but it really works. Repeat as often as necessary during the day.
2. Pray or mediate at some time during your day. I like to begin and end my days with prayer and meditation. Offering my day in union with God in the morning helps me to align with a greater purpose and makes some of the difficulties more bearable. It takes me out of myself, and makes me more aware of how I may be called to serve. Prayer and meditation also have the effect of calming anxieties, strengthening hope and opening a broader awareness of our spiritual selves.
3. Reach out to someone. One of the most effective antidotes to depression is to reach out to someone else who may be hurting more. It can be as simple as a smile or a kind word, or it can be a conscious act of kindness to someone in real need. We have no idea what our co-workers or friends may be going through. The angry or withdrawn colleague may be going through a divorce or coping with a drug-addicted teen. If you are experiencing similar trials, you’ll be amazed at how it helps to soothe another person’s pain for a moment. Rarely do we ever exist without problems and the person you think hasn’t a care in the world may be suffering enormous pain.
4. Breathe, stretch, exercise, or walk. When we are stressed our breathing often becomes shallow. Check throughout the day and breathe deeply for a few moments. Stop what you are doing from time to time and stretch, releasing tension in your body. A regular exercise program is the ideal. Exercise is a proven remedy for both anxiety and depression. Walking is a wonderfully therapeutic activity. Seeing the beauty of Nature enhances the value of the walk.
5. Eat consciously. We actually do many things unconsciously, even driving. How often do we grab something on the run, eat it mindlessly, and pay the consequences in mood, cholesterol or weight later. I truly savor chocolate cake and strawberry shortcake, but often eat in a less than healthy way.
6. Be gentle with yourself. This is one of my favorite suggestions because I believe that we tend to be very hard on ourselves. Tune in to your self-talk. Are you giving yourself credit when it is due or do you have a resident critic in your head, negatively critiquing every word and action? Change the channel or reprogram that voice. Sometimes the hardest thing is to forgive ourselves. Often we berate ourselves long after long after another and even God has forgiven us.
7. Let go of mental poisons such as blames, martyrdom, and resentment. Who is living rent-free in your head? It is so painful when we are betrayed and hurt, but if we hold on to the resentment, it slowly poisons us. Forgiving is a decision and a process. We can begin by praying for the willingness to forgive.
8. Have a self-improvement plan. It should be related to improving something inside you, whether at home, physically or mentally. It is easy to get depressed by the same-old whatever. The good news is that whatever it is about our lives that we do not like, we can change of we choose to. If there is something negative about yourself go about acknowledging it and changing it – one day at a time, one step at a time. The very act of doing it is energizing and hope-generating.
9. Accept what “is”. It is very liberating. There are things, people and places we cannot change and railing against them destroys our peace. Knowing what to accept and what to change requires wisdom. Acceptance is not passivity or weakness. Acceptance requires great strength and courage. Acceptance does not mean we agree with, or like, the situation or that it will always be so.
10. Live in the present moment. Life takes place in the now. Our ability to cope and the help of a Higher Power are in the now. It is so easy to get caught up in the regrets of the past, to believe that the best opportunities are gone. The past holds memories both good and bad and lessons learned and unlearned. Who among us has no regrets? The only way to avoid them is not to live, and that is regret indeed. Likewise, we can be paralyzed by fear of the future – the what-if’s. Tomorrow is not here yet. Plan for it, but you must live in the present. It has been said that, “If we have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, we %#*! on today.”
11. Have fun. Do something you enjoy every day. Plan for special rewards for yourself. I used to schedule a massage after an exam when I was in grad school. Splurge at a dollar-store when you reach a goal. Plan a trip, see it, save for it. Make long-term and short-term fun plans. I look forward to “reading time” at the end of the day, or going to an event with the grandchildren. We need things to look forward to and back upon the grey days of winter.
By Helen L. Flynn, M.Ed., M.S.W., CLC
Focusing on You!
helenflynn@clareaucoaching.com Direct: 703.328.7187
Visit my Clareau Coaching site and my blog, “Grandmother’s Jewels” http://www.helenlflynn.com/blog http://www.clareaucoaching.com
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