10 Things That Are Holding You Back

By Lindsay Meholick

Isn’t it mocking how often we manage to become our own worst enemy?  How we constantly manipulate and find ways to keep ourselves from achieving our true potential? If you suffer with low confidence, I guarantee you there is at least one thing on this list you have done within the last 24 hours that is keeping you from greatness.

1 You Think, Therefore.

Whatever you are thinking, it is happening. It doesn’t matter who you are, no one has managed exemption. If you are thinking constantly about debt – you are in it. If you are thinking of suffering with low self-esteem – you have it. If you are thinking of being alone – you are. Break the cycle. Think and affirm what you want your future to be. Do not dwell or stagnate in your current circumstance or it will manifest itself a thousand times.

Do you ever wonder why each day is so much like the day before? Well, because that is all you think about! You then create and re-create the same people, places and things over and over again. What is a person to do? Think and affirm what you want your future to be. Affirmations are available everywhere. Now-a-days you can Google the word “affirmation” and find affirmations a-plenty. Print the ones you like and carry a new one with you each day. Repeat it, breath it, live it, own it. It’s yours. You can also practice gratitude and appreciation for the things you have. The more you focus on what is going right – the more rewards there are to come your way. You may notice that this idea is the replaying theme throughout this article and certainly forms the foundation for the Life Coaching practice I own.

2 Waking up – already down.

Does it matter what side you get out of bed?  Or is morning a constant, uphill battle? If you get out of bed feeling negative or depressed your day will only draw unpleasant circumstances and events. So what if there is just too much to think or worry about? Surely, you can’t just be pleasant all of the time? But there is a time and a place where you should worry. The time is exactly when you can do something about the problem, the place is exactly where you can do something about it. It serves no purpose driving to work worrying about being late. It serves a purpose the night before, setting your alarm 10 minutes earlier. It is pointless to be upset about not being able to pay a bill. It is on point to worry about it once you have more money and have access to the internet where you can go ahead and pay it.

Don’t let yourself crawl out of bed with a list of “to-dos” on your mind. It is neither the time nor the place to be stressing yourself out. Instead, think of everything you want your day to bring – less of what you don’t want. Some scientists call this ‘consciously creating your day.’ It is yours isn’t it? Why not wake up and make it, the same way you do coffee or cereal – it’s just that important. Do you want less traffic? Ask! Do you want to feel better? ASK! These things will come to you when you ask for them and if you keep them to yourself – not even you will know when you have gotten what you wanted. Wake UP.

3 Scared of judgment.

Many women live in fear that they will be judged. Public speaking is often feared more than death – we just don’t enjoy letting others have that type of control over us. Fact of the matter is, we aren’t even that afraid of the speaking part or of being judged, it is the physical sensations that endure. They terrify us. We don’t want our heart to beat faster, we don’t want to sweat, stumble over our words or feel the anxiety that accompanies these types of events. They make us very uncomfortable and we can’t control them. Yet, with time, patience, practice and some humility you absolutely can.

First, don’t worry about the physical sensations. They arise from your body’s intelligent effort to protect itself. You may have heard of the fight or flight response. During this phase, your body prepares to wrestle with danger or run from it. As a result, mass amounts of adrenaline are released into your blood, thus creating the physical sensations you love to hate.

So, what can we do to eliminate these sensations? By eliminating the perceived threat. If you can focus your attention on only positive, loving, self-nurturing thoughts – with time, you will gain control. When you let your thoughts get the best of you, you may say, “I am going to make a fool of myself,” “I can’t believe how nervous I am, what if I throw up?” or “What will they think?” These types of beliefs or thoughts will absolutely make you feel nervous and bring on more physical sensations. What’s more important – they all involve others’ perceptions of you.

Talk gently to and about yourself. Tell yourself to breath slow, deep breaths, focus on what others are saying and less on what is going on inside of you, tell yourself what a great job you’re doing. Most importantly, try to eliminate any thoughts you are having that involve others’ perceptions of you. You can’t really control what anyone thinks or says about you? So, why try?

Odds are it will never be fun for you to speak in public or be in a situation where you are perceptually judged, but with time and patience you can feel “normal” in places that once had you nervous or even terrified.

Sometimes anxiety or nervousness is just misinterpreted excitement. Try to tell the difference between when you are excited about something and when you are experiencing genuine nerves or anxiety.

4 You are resentful.

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” You forgive and let go to heal your own wounds. Those feelings you harbor are internal. You suffer – alone. So chose forgiveness. The word resentment literally means to ‘feel again.’ And this is precisely what you will do when you carry feelings of resentment with you. You will feel again and again what that person did to do. You may even bring other, undeserving victims into this cyclone of old hurt and pain.

You do not have to reconcile or condone the behavior of another person in order to offer forgiveness, again – it is there to allow you to move on from the past rather than reside in it. Accept the other person as being an imperfect human being, capable of making mistakes, tell yourself “I release old hurt and pain easily,” and stop talking about it. Getting others to join in or rampage with you will only allow the hurt to linger and become stronger with time. You can forgive… you may even forget, just don’t forget how you forgave.

5 You are regretful.

You are here, now. So, why not live here-and-now? The past can be very hard to overcome. Pain lingers. Old relationships default us. We wonder why things haven’t gone our way. So, where is the credit? I mean, we made it, right? We’re here – we showed up. Whatever happened to 10 points just for putting your name on the page? Despite not being in grade school anymore, life’s given us a few lemons and we just haven’t been able to make lemonade out of them. So, what? Things are never as bad as they seem, really. I know. I ‘catastrophize’ myself quite a bit until I see my bed at night or turn my heat up when it’s cold. Constantly stepping into the shadow of your past will do you no good. It does, however, have a magnificent way of manifesting the same life events or similar circumstance over and over again until you honestly feel like you are stuck in the movie Groundhog Day.

So, what can we do? Again, Think and affirm what you want your future to be. Don’t dwell in past regret. Work through it and move on – however you can. Sometimes cognitive-behavioral therapy helps those living in the past adopt a more here-and-now approach. Others enjoy spiritual meditation. I choose to redirect my focus. As often as I can remember, I redirect myself when I am living in a past, painful moment and force myself to be here, today, with what I have created – all that is good or perceptually bad. However you choose to release your regret will allow you to begin manifesting a new, brighter future.

6 Purposely Purposeless

Have you become purposely purposeless? It can be so easy to fall into this trap. We become almost robotic at times and slowly, each day, we forget why we are here. It’s really easier that way. We feel, think and act less. Yet, in the long run we bargain with boredom, stagnation, lethargy and sadly, even depression. So, what was it you once loved? What is keeping you from it today? How will you know when you finally have it? All of these questions are instrumental to your own self discovery.

No one can tell you how to find your purpose. It really is about getting to know yourself – the same way you did when you were younger – minus drugs, alcohol or other avenues. So, fly a kite, catch a fish, visit a new museum, roller skate, go to Fiji in your mind. It certainly sounds like coffee-house psychology but I promise you that the formula for change does not fail. Once you force yourself to be in these unfamiliar situations you break free of the monotony and roboticism. You think new things. You feel new emotions; as a result you will react or act in new and interesting ways. On a sheet of paper right now, come up with your own, unique ideas and make plans to go somewhere new tomorrow – and bring a friend!

7 You are making someone else happy

Are you a people pleaser? How many things do you do on a daily basis that please someone else and make you absolutely miserable? If you fall victim as a people pleaser – now is the time to change. You may even be reading this article because someone told you to seek help, so put it away. No, I’m just kidding. Keep reading.

We want to be liked. Bottom line. We seek approval, we fear rejection and sometimes live our lives according to someone else’s standards. However, there is a thin line between being human and compromising our own needs and desires to appease someone else. Firstly, are you a victim of “should” thinking? Some of us “should” on ourselves more than others. We have it in our minds that things should be a certain way, that we should do certain things for others and that other people should like us for it. Unfortunately, that formula does not always pan out. Things are what they are, we don’t have to do everything and not everyone is going to like us anyway. If two people like you – you have enough people to carry you if you ever become dead weight. No one really needs their own personal fan club. So, how do we change? We don’t. We just stop operating on a level that “should” be there, but really is higher than we will ever climb.

So, where is that great divide between what you really want and where you are being manipulated – by either yourself or someone else? Find it and don’t allow yourself to cross it. When you feel yourself giving up or in to accommodate someone else, evaluate the reasons behind your own motivation. Will you receive gratitude or appreciation? Do you feel you should? Do you want them to like you? What is going on exactly? Once you establish the origin of your behavior you can work to reform it when needed.

8 You aren’t eating right.

You are what you eat, but more importantly you feel what you are. So, honestly, what did you eat today? Don’t feel bad, I’m sure I did worse, but this isn’t a competition – it’s about feeling better. And you just can’t write an article addressing the 10 Things that are Holding you Back without addressing nutrition as playing an integral role. One of the major reasons women suffer from feeling insecure or self-conscious are a direct result of the weight they are carrying or even the weight they are feeling. I’m not going to pretend like eating nutritiously is a walk in the park, however, it is certainly attainable. Women have a hard time eating right and exercising because they feel like they will never reach their goals. This is usually because they set themselves up for failure by setting the bar way to high. Small, significant change is always best and your goals are never written in stone – they change as you do. So go for it. If you are unhappy with your current weight – lose 2 or 3 pounds. Don’t diet, just eat right and exercise (which can be walking your dog, by the way). If you have a piece of cake – don’t beat yourself up. It is the negative self-talk you develop from even the smallest setback that makes your goal unattainable. You must allow substantial room for yourself to be human. When things don’t go as planned, and they will not – forgive yourself! And don’t dwell on it. Before you know it you will look and feel lighter, both inside and out.

9 Risk and Resolve.

Wayne Gretzky said, “You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” The idea is as applicable to ice hockey as it is to life. Risks are an important part of life and unless you take a few, you still face the risk of being inert in a place you may not even like. I’m not saying that those who gamble, drive drunk or buy Park Place on the first go around are those to beat. Though if you suffer with low confidence or self-esteem – odds are – you play it safe and avoid risk far too often. You could be missing out on some great opportunities when you allow yourself to do this.

Have you ever avoided something “risky” because you were scared of how others may perceive you? Do you ever regret having been too precautious or skeptical? Can you remember the last time you did something new and felt great about it, even though the course was daunting or uncertain?

You are capable of great things – when you let yourself go. Don’t hold yourself back from trying. Make sure that you are acting from a place of joy, peace and love and really go for it. The payout will be substantial and most of all you eliminate future regret – which as we know, can be very difficult to work through.

10 Trust

You are not struggling alone. Learn to trust those around you. Lean on them. If you have been hurt before – wash it away. However, you are feeling, there are others who feel the same. Whatever it is you are thinking, you are neither the first nor the last. It is through this common ground that we build friendships, find support and help each other through tough times. Trust those around you to help – whether it is a friend, therapist or family member – open yourself up, confide in them and allow yourself to be vulnerable at the same time. You may be let down by some, but most will impress you with their generosity, openness and support.

More importantly than trusting those around you, I hope that you trust in yourself or learn to. You are always the best person to turn to and you will always be there. If you can cry and hug yourself, bring yourself down from anger, release old hurt and pain, rub your own feet, take yourself out to dinner or stand up for yourself – you’re off to an excellent start. And if you ever need me, I am here as well. These transformations will be fun for you and sometimes challenging, but you have created this journey for yourself and you really wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Love always, Lindsay

Lindsay Meholick, Personal Life Coach – http://www.lindsaymeholick.com

Article Source:  10 Things That Are Holding You Back

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